It's always very sad when you lose someone you love, especially after a long and painful illness. At the time you feel you might never love someone again. The grieving process can take many years and in time, after increasing loneliness, many people find they need companionship and seek out new friendships, even marriage again.

How long should I wait?
In times gone by it was considered proper for a widow or widower to grieve for a year before considering marriage. Today many people still feel that's right. Statistics show that many widowers generally re-marry within three years of a wife's death, and widows generally re-marry within five years of a husband's death. But there are no strict rules to say how long you should wait before dating and marrying again. If you have cared for a terminally ill spouse you may have starting the grieving process long before the actual death, so you might consider re-marriage sooner. Older people often believe that have less time left and may want to re-marry again sooner rather than later. However it's more acceptable these days to live together and that can be an easier option than making wedding vows all over again.

After the Death of a Partner
It's best if you don't rush into a new relationship too soon if there are any family members still grieving. Even if you do decide to link up with someone if a relationship was "bubbling under" then do it in private and spare any anguish for the deceased partners offspring. Time is a healer, and 12 months is still a good time to wait in most circumstances. Even then don't "play the field" and only reveal new partners who are potentially poised to be a long-standing and stable relationship.

Falling in love again - Was I not in love with my deceased spouse?
After grieving and getting over a lost partner some widows and widowers think they'll never be able to love the same way again. But people that have previously had a happy marriage are often keen to get back to the security of marriage. Sharing a life with someone is important and many surviving spouses view their new marriage as a tribute to the first. It's what they would have wanted.

Children of widowers sometimes have an idealistic impression of their parents' marriage and find it difficult to understand how their widowed parent can even consider a new marriage. It's essential to keep kids "in the loop" - see How do I tell my kids that I want a relationship with someone new?